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  1. Hellbound


The devil in Hell, were told, was chained
For a thousand years he there remained
He neither complained, nor did he groan
But was determined to start a Hell of his own

Where he can torment the souls of lonely men
Without being locked up in a prison pen
So He asked the Lord if he had on hand
Anything left when he made this land

The Lord said,” Yes, there’s plenty on hand
I left it on down by the Rio Grande
So the devil went down and he took a look
But he knew right away that the Lord was a crook

For after looking it over carefully and well
He saw that this place was too dry for a Hell
But in order to get it off of his hands
The Lord promised the Devil that he’d water the land

So trade was closed and deed was given
The Lord went back up to his home in Heaven
The Devil thought now I’ve got all that is needed
To make a good Hell and so he proceeded

He began by putting thorns all over the trees
He mixed up the dust with jiggers and fleas
He scattered tarantulas across the road
Put thorns on cactus and horns on toads

He lengthened the horns of the Texas Steer
And he added an inch to the Jackrabbit’s ear
He put a little buck in the bronco’s steed
And he poisoned the feet of the centipede

The rattlesnake bites you, the scorpion stings
The mosquitos annoy you with their buzzing wings
The spiders are deadly and so are the ants
And if you sit down, you’ll need soles on your pants

The heat in the summers reach a hundred and twenty
Where the lakes are dry and the rivers are empty
The wild boars roam on the black chaparral
It’s a hell of a place that he has for a Hell

But even the Devil himself needs a drink now and then
For the desert can kill the toughest of men
And if the heat ever rises to a hundred and thirty
Well, that’s more than enough to make even a dead man thirsty